Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Day of Wrath and Doom impending...

Dies Irae

LATIN

Dies irae, dies illa
Solvet saeclum in favilla,
Teste David cum Sibylla.

Quantus tremor est futurus,
Quando judex est venturus,
Cuncta stricte discussurus!

Tuba mirum spargens sonum
Per sepulcra regionum,
Coget omnes ante thronum.

Mors stupebit et natura,
Cum resurget creatura,
Judicanti responsura.

Liber scriptus proferetur,
In quo totum continetur,
Unde mundus judicetur.

Judex ergo cum sedebit,
Quidquid latet apparebit.
Nil inultum remanebit.

Quid sum miser tunc dicturus?
Quem patronum rogaturus,
Cum vix justus sit securus?

Rex tremendae majestatus
qui salvandos salvas gratis
sale me, fons pietatis

Recordare, Jesu pie,
Quod sum causa tuae viae:
Ne me perdas illa die.
Quaerens me, sedisti, lassus;
Redemisti crucem passus;
Tantus labor non sit cassus.
Juste Judex ultionis,
Donum fac remissionis
Ante diem rationis.

Ingemisco tanquam reus,
Culpa rubet vultus meus;
Supplicanti parce, Deus.
Qui Mariam absolvisti,
Et latronem exaudisti,
Mihi quoque spem dedisti.
Preces meae non sunt dignae,
Sed tu, bonus, fac benigne,
Ne perenni cremer igne.
Inter oves locum praesta,
Et ab hoedis me sequestra,
Statuens in parte dextra.

Confutatis maledictis
Flammis acribus addictis,
Voca me cum benedictus.
Oro supplex et acclinis,
Cor contritum quasi cinis,
Gere curam mei finis.

Lacrimosa dies illa,
Qua resurget ex favilla
Judicandus homo reus.
Huic ergo parce, Deus:
Pie Jesu Domine:
Dona eis requiem. Amen.

ENGLISH

This day, this day of wrath
shall consume the world in ashes,
as foretold by David and the Sibyl.

What trembling there will be
When the judge shall come
to weigh everything strictly!

The trumpet, scattering its awful sound
Across the graves of all lands
Summons all before the throne.

Death and nature shall be stunned
When mankind arises
To render account before the judge.

The written book shall be brought
In which all is contained
Whereby the world shall be judged

When the judge takes his seat
all that is hidden shall appear
Nothing will remain unavenged.

What shall I, a wretch, say then?
To which protector shall I appeal
When even the just man is barely safe?

King of awful majesty
You freely save those worthy of salvation
Save me, found of pity.

Remember, gentle Jesus
that I am the reason for your time on earth,
do not cast me out on that day
Seeking me, you sank down wearily,
you saved me by enduring the cross,
such travail must not be in vain.
Righteous judge of vengeance,
award the gift of forgiveness
before the day of reckoning.

I groan as one guilty,
my face blushes with guilt;
spare the suppliant, O God.
Thou who didsnt absolve Mary [Magdalen]
and hear the prayer of the thied
hast given me hope, too.
My prayers are not worthy,
but Thou, O good one, show mercy,
lest I burn in everlasting fire,
Give me a place among the sheep,
and separate me from the goats,
placing me on Thy right hand.

When the damned are confounded
and consigned to keen flames,
call me with the blessed.
I pray, suppliant and kneeling,
a heart as contrite as ashes;
take Thou my ending into Thy care.

That day is one of weeping,
on which shall rise again from the ashes
the guilty man, to be judged.
Therefore spare this one, O God,
merciful Lord Jesus:
Give them rest. Amen.

Monday, July 27, 2009

Semper Fi Catholics!

----------Reasons why people think we're "crazy"---------

- We like to keep Mass interesting. We sit, stand and kneel, in no particular order. Probably just to keep the blood flowing.

- It's not merlot and Ritz they're serving; it's the Flesh and Blood of Jesus. No, really.

- Forget a big meal afterwards, just pick up some of the breakfast tacos they're always selling after Mass

- Purgatory.

- We all have 20 cousins. On each side of the family.

- Infant Baptism isn't dumb; it's after-life insurance.

- $5.00 in the collection basket is the epitome of generosity. Anything more than that, someone has hit the lottery.

- A missal is a book, not a weapon. However, it has been known to pull double duty.

- The signs we make aren't just a mark of respect, they're a lot of fun to do.

- Every Catholic Guy tries to sit next the really hot girl they like at Mass. THis is because they really want to hug during "Peace Be With You" and hold hands for the "Our Father"

- We really like statues. A lot.

- After every confession, everyone hits themselves on the head. This is because they have realized that they forgot that really big sin, and they know that it'll hang over their head til the next time.

- Contraceptives? Why?

- Altar boys continue well into their twenties.

- The 14 Stations has nothing to do with TV.

- "Peace Be With You" is just a way to meet pretty girls.

- We've always been taught that celibacy til marriage is the only way to go, forever and ever, amen. That being said...

- "Sin on Saturday. Pray on Sunday. Confess on Monday".

- The Mass doesn't start for a few minutes not because of tardy parisihioners. It's because the priest is running late.

- The Virgin Mary is not a God and we don't treat her as such. But she is without sin, gave birth to Jesus and did it without having sex. That warrants more than a little respect.

- 11:00 a.m. Mass means 11:15.

- We actually get all the jokes in Dogma.

- There are two very different, irreconcilable factions in every single church in the world. They are known as the Saturday or Sunday Mass bunch.

- St. Patrick drove all the snakes out of Ireland. SNAKES.

- You miss JPII more than you miss some relatives... but who misses that child molester uncle anyway?

- Bake Sales are a way of life.

- Your knees are more calloused than your feet.

- Priests have been giving us alcohol since we were little kids. No wonder any one of us can drink Protestants under the table.

- The Catholic way of dealing with a mid-life crisis is having another kid.

- Mass is nearly unchanged after almost 2000 years. We're a little stubborn.

- Catholic School Girls.

- Whatever you gave up for Lent, you have it in your hands at 11:59 p.m. Saturday night, counting the seconds til midnight.

- Episcopalians are referred to as "Diet Catholics"

- You either love or hate the Stations of the Cross. There is no middle ground.

- We all know Da Vinci code is bogus and inaccurate. Yet we'll still read it if nothing else is goin on.

- "Offer it up!" = "Quit bitching!"

- We have Midnight Mass so there are no interruptions on Christmas morning

- You've slipped out an Amen after the Pledge of Allegiance.

- Holy Water can kill just about anything. So Protestants are pretty much screwed if a vampire comes calling.

- There's no way to explain it, but Catholic girls are just scorching hot.

- There's no need for impromptu prayer; you can always fall back on the Rosary.

- Pope Benedict XVI scares you. Badly.

- It's not uncommon for just one family to take up an entire pew or two.

- Boondock Saints is the greatest movie ever. E-Ver.

- Confession. Enough said.

- You're of the opinion that Stephen Colbert should be Canonized.

- When in doubt, say a Hail Mary.

- Who created Family Guy? Oh yeah, a Catholic!

- Whenever anyone in Star Wars saga says "May the Force Be With You", we get the urge to say "And Also With You"

- The Pope does indeed wear a funny hat. But it's way more interesting than Joel Osteen's suit and tie.

- If you see a guy leaning forward, looking half-dead with his head on the pew in front of him... he's not praying. He's hungover and was guilted into coming to Mass anyway.

- Even though you never met her or been to a country she's been in, you're still willing to have "seen" a miracle by Mother Teresa.

- We're the oldest Christian religion. Period.


If you appreciated, chuckled or even smiled at some of these, you're not a wacko. You're just probably a member of the one of the oldest and largest religions in the world. Open to all Catholics around the world.
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