The first poem involves a byproduct of my paranoia as a youth; I was once so paranoid I would devise at least three ways to kill a specific person where they stood, and in this poem, I pointed out four ways to off myself.
Four Paths of Ending
There is a .45 in a room
Belonging to my boss;
Yet buried in my gloom
All I can feel is my loss.
Belonging to my boss;
Yet buried in my gloom
All I can feel is my loss.
In a drawer in the kitchen
Lies a wicked sharp knife;
I can sense the edges itching
To steal my broken life.
Lies a wicked sharp knife;
I can sense the edges itching
To steal my broken life.
Several meters of power cord
Lie across the den;
Yet, alas! I can ill afford
To ask that question: “When?”
Lie across the den;
Yet, alas! I can ill afford
To ask that question: “When?”
By
my side, a lethal cocktail
For before I go to bed
Screams that I must not fail
If truly, I should be dead.
The second poem I gave a title that was admittedly more of a Naruto reference. "The world shall know Pain" and all that...yet the last part of that poem involves me driving off a bridge into the abyss below--another way of ending myself.
Six Paths of Loss
It is said that there are many ways to skin a
cat;
Tell me, is that true?
If so, I’d like a little of that
Juice imbibed by you.
Tell me, is that true?
If so, I’d like a little of that
Juice imbibed by you.
If only to assuage the pain,
The agony of a broken heart,
I’m willing to board an express train
Going all the way to the start.
The agony of a broken heart,
I’m willing to board an express train
Going all the way to the start.
From strangers, to friends and more,
My journey has gone far;
Now before you dismiss me as a bore,
Let me get the car.
My journey has gone far;
Now before you dismiss me as a bore,
Let me get the car.
Hand me something from the fridge,
Before I cross this bend,
And watch as I go drive off the bridge
And meet my final end.
Before I cross this bend,
And watch as I go drive off the bridge
And meet my final end.
The third poem is more me bleeding out in pain than anything else; loss is its own agony, as it were, and even as I post this I feel that loss keenly.
Unwanted, unneeded, unaccepted, unloved
Wanted? I am obviously not;
The fact that the world is against me truly says a lot.
Did you want me to speak out, to raise my cup?
Or are you waiting for a reason to gang up?
The fact that the world is against me truly says a lot.
Did you want me to speak out, to raise my cup?
Or are you waiting for a reason to gang up?
Did you need me today, were you looking for a
friend?
Or were you looking for a reason to see to my end?
I know where this goes, I’m no stranger to it;
It is truly clear that I’m simply unfit.
Or were you looking for a reason to see to my end?
I know where this goes, I’m no stranger to it;
It is truly clear that I’m simply unfit.
Acceptance? What is that to me?
What is it to one who can only be
Rejected by those around me wherever I go?
Truly, I am doomed to remain solo.
What is it to one who can only be
Rejected by those around me wherever I go?
Truly, I am doomed to remain solo.
As for love, where do I begin?
The one thing that I failed to win
Is also the one thing that I am doomed to lose;
Such a pain cannot be erased by booze.
The one thing that I failed to win
Is also the one thing that I am doomed to lose;
Such a pain cannot be erased by booze.
In any case, I seem to have an abundance of pain; in the interest of full disclosure, I had attempted to off myself just recently--by which I mean yesterday, with a wicked edge itching to steal my broken life, as it were.
Perhaps the part of me that still pushes me to live took over, because a few hours after the attempt, I called the NGF hotline. Looks like I owe someone an explanation...
